Men are not committing to you but no one is telling you why. Let me enlighten you.
There are a lot of relationship coaches and gurus out there and when you read this, I am really grateful that you choose to read my work.
My colleagues in the space all have different ways of approaching the most difficult subject of relationships.
There is a lot of talk of self love. There is a lot of talk about feeling worthy. There is a lot of talk about alignment, attraction and manifestation.
These approaches can work and you will find them often given in free e-books, free opt ins and blog posts.
This is all well and good but there is also another side of the coin. Most of my clients have tried these and are looking for something a little more practical. If the vision boards, the alignment, and trying to feel worthy are not helping then perhaps it’s time for another approach.
I have training as an academic from my PhD and also as a medical doctor so my information tends to be factual, research based and from the viewpoint of a man who is successful in terms of my finances, relationship and career.
There are a lot of successful men out there who are looking to meet someone. They are also tired, lonely and frustrated because they do not feel that they have a voice.
But there is also a lot that holds them back from committing, and it is not just you.
The Mass Shortage of Men.
Yesterday I found this(1) article from the Daily Telegraph that talks about the lack of eligible educated men and how countless numbers of women are not finding a partner due to a “dearth of educated men” and so are having to freeze their eggs.
As you know I work in an investment bank and between the National Health Service and the private sector this is a consultation I have quite frequently.
I have had many women come in to my office and understandably break down in to tears because they do not know what to do.They are often in their mid to late 30s or early 40s and have had a sudden realisation of how hard it might be to have a child. Even if they freeze their eggs, they’re looking at a less than 20% chance of success for each IVF cycle and IVF is draining financially, mentally, emotionally and physically.
When I read this article, I it reinforces the idea that what men who are conventionally successful (professional, in the top 3% of earners) want is not readily broadcasted on the internet. Because what I, my friends and my colleagues who belong to this demographic think is not reflected in this piece.
In this article, the journalist is a lady. The two professors they took quotations from were also both ladies. I feel that the glaring omission is that at no point did they report as to what is going on in a man’s brain. The only time the opinions of men are mentioned are in the comments section.
Even Professsor Inhorn says “how could it be that all these amazing, attractive intelligent women were lamenting about their ability to find a partner?”
This is the demographic of my client and I have had a 100% success rate in changing their dating lives for the better.
Because I understand the demographic of who they are wanting to pursue.
So I wrote this piece because I am not the only man who thinks this way. The comments section of this article speaks volumes as at last count there were over 230 comments almost entirely comprising of mens’ opinions. The Daily Telegraph is aimed at educated people, University level and above. The same article ran in The Sun which has the largest readership of any newspaper in the country and there are ZERO comments. It is aimed at less educated men.
So clearly educated men have opinions on this.
Not only that, they are as angry as I am about it. Because no one is listening or trying to understand us. If you do not understand us then we will not commit because there is too much to lose.
This blog article is based on solely the opinions of me, my friends and my colleagues and obviously I can not speak for my entire gender, but no one is telling you guys this stuff and I believe you need to hear it.
Dearth of uneducated men.
The lack of perceived uneducated men does not explain why so many women are finding it hard to find a partner.
At the time when the women in this survey was asked, when they were at university the numbers of women at university outnumber men, at 54%. It certainly seems that more than 4% of women feel that finding a partner is hard.
Especially in London it can seem that everyone is single.
What if instead of there being an actual dearth it was because they were not interested?
If there is not a dearth of uneducated men, then what might else be going on?
A lot of my Type A clients (if you do not know your type, you are welcome to find out taking this short quiz: LINK TO OPT IN) ask me
“Where are all the great men?”
It’s almost as if they think that there is a secret underground bar or hiding spot that they all congregate at.
What is really happening is that my clients can not see them.
Because the guys that they want are not engaging with them.
Remember, most women expect men to approach them in the initial stages.
So there is something that these ladies are doing or not doing that men are not showing interest beyond the physical.
Perhaps instead of there being a dearth of men, men are just avoiding the type of women who were interviewed?
Because men wonder “what’s the deal?”
Before deciding anything, men will ask “What’s the deal?”
According to the UK Office of National Statistics, the Current Divorce Rate is 42%.
Divorce law in the UK tends to still favour the idea of a 50-50 split of joint accumulated wealth.
So there is a 42% chance of losing 50% of your accumulated wealth if you marry someone.
For someone who earns over 6 figures and has sizeable assets including a pension up for grabs, the idea of having a more than 40% chance of losing half of it all, paying for children that you do not see regularly and funding his ex-wife’s current lifestyle is not appealing.
If, however, you earn £25K and have no assets, marriage seems like a good thing. I have had clients who even have had men ask them how much they earn because it’s important to pay the bills. These are the men who are often willing to commit because they do not have to worry about losing anything.
Would you be happy to go with a life decision with a more than 40% chance to lose 50% of your lifetime accumulated wealth?
The Point of Marriage
The men I know in their early 40s and who are still single, are in shape and are in good jobs seem to be happier than any other demographic of men I know.
There is an argument to say that men are at this point having it all.
They have a good income.
They are not having to fund anyone else.
They do not need to marry a woman to have sex
They become attractive to a wider range of woman than at any other time of their life.
They maintain their freedom.
There is no chance to lose their money through a relationship breakdown.
These are not men who have not grown up. These are not men who hate women. These are men who in the main have made a decision not to commit until the situation changes, or they meet a woman they believe are a better deal to marry than not marry.
You Have to Mean a Great Deal to Him
Whenever men make a decision, they tend to ask the question “what’s the deal?”
It tends to be a logic based decision.
For a man who has potentially a lot to lose you have to mean a great deal to him.
It means that it’s not enough to just meet, attract and date him. He has to want to commit.
What would make him commit?
That sense of loyalty from you, attraction and that you understand him even accept him as he is.
If you have been wondering where all the good men are it is a symptom of the problem that you probably do not understand men.
If you do not understand your man, he is unlikely to commit.
He might even need to feel that he can not live without you.
By the way, if you are wondering what there is to understand about men, I would strongly urge you to do some reading and research.
If you do not understand your man, he is unlikely to commit.
This site is designed for ladies who know that choosing your life partner is the biggest decision you could make in your lifetime.
This site is not designed for ladies who want to read something to make themselves feel better.
This site is designed for ladies who want to take action to change their lives for the better.
Your homework from this article will be simple.
I want you to do an audit of your last few relationships. Maybe the last three if possible but if not the last one or two. Out of all of these relationships, hand on heart, WRITE DOWN the answers to these questions:
Was he lit up like a Christmas tree in terms of visible happiness on his face from start to finish?
Did I completely understand what he was doing and why he was doing it all the time? Or did I constantly wonder why he was not calling or not texting?
Did he ever say that he loved you? Did you feel that he meant it?
If you would like, I have an electronic version of the quiz here and we will email you the results.
Again, the results are 100% confidential and for your benefit.
Remember, action is better than hope.
- http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/07/04/shortage-eligible-men-has-left-women-taking-desperate-steps/ Daily Telegraph online
- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3491641/Businesswoman-dumped-career-conventional-housewife-laugh-high-flying-ex-divorce-judge-awards-500-000-fortune.html Daily Mail Online
- http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/get-a-job-judge-tells-woman-living-off-divorce-payments-from-millionaire-ex-husband-10066271.html Independent Digital New & Media